I want to kiss someone and feel something. someone that I actually really really like. trouble is, I don’t actually like anyone at the moment. but that’s not really what this rant is about.
I haven’t felt sparks or fireworks or electric shocks in years. no excitement, no tension or anticipation or build-up to that first passionate kiss. no lingering before the kiss. no romance, I suppose. I feel nothing when I kiss someone, even if I do know them.
I want the fluttering heart and the breathy sigh right before a kiss. the hands in my hair and touching foreheads and looking into someone’s eyes. the closeness and the security. feeling special and beautiful.
I don’t feel special when others kiss me because it’s not intimate. I know what they want, and it’s far less pure than intimacy. they want sex. and I just want someone to curl up to in the middle of the night. that doesn’t really correspond too well…
clearly, I have unrealistic expectations of life.
